Malay weddings are grand and deeply rooted cultural affairs, blending tradition, religion, and modern influences. These weddings are not just about the union of two individuals but also the coming together of families and communities. A traditional Malay wedding is a multi-day celebration filled with significant rituals, each carrying a special meaning. In this blog, we explore the customs and traditions that make a Malay wedding a vibrant and unforgettable experience.
1. Merisik (Pre-Proposal Visit)
The first step in the Malay wedding process is the merisik, or pre-proposal visit. This is when the groom’s family discreetly visits the bride’s family to inquire about her availability and discuss the possibility of a marriage proposal. It is not an official engagement but rather an informal step to express interest and understand the family’s expectations. Traditionally, the groom does not accompany his family; instead, senior family members, like his parents or elders, make the visit.
2. Meminang (Official Proposal)
Once both families agree, the next step is meminang, the official marriage proposal. This involves a formal visit by the groom’s family, where they bring gifts, known as hantaran, and officially ask for the bride’s hand in marriage. The number of hantaran gifts is usually an odd number, symbolizing prosperity. During this stage, both families discuss the mas kahwin (dowry) and hantaran (additional gifts), which can include jewelry, perfumes, and traditional attire.
3. Bertunang (Engagement Ceremony)
The engagement ceremony, or bertunang, marks the official betrothal. During this event, both families exchange rings as a sign of commitment. This phase is a waiting period before the actual wedding, allowing both families to prepare for the big day. Some couples opt for an intimate engagement, while others host grand celebrations with close friends and extended family.
4. Akad Nikah (Solemnization Ceremony)
The akad nikah is the most crucial part of a Malay wedding. This religious ceremony is conducted according to Islamic teachings and legally binds the couple in marriage. The groom recites the ijab kabul, a declaration of acceptance, in front of a religious official, typically a kadi (Islamic marriage official). The bride’s father or guardian acts as the wali (legal representative), giving consent for the marriage.
The groom also presents the mas kahwin, a mandatory dowry given to the bride as a symbol of responsibility. Once the akad nikah is completed, the couple is officially married, and the bride often receives a beautifully decorated marriage certificate.
5. Bersanding (The Wedding Reception)
The bersanding ceremony is the highlight of a Malay wedding. The newlyweds sit on a beautifully decorated dais called the pelamin, dressed in regal traditional attire. This moment symbolizes their status as king and queen for the day. Family members, friends, and guests come forward to bless the couple by sprinkling scented water and flower petals, known as merenjis.
This event often includes traditional performances such as the kompang (a rhythmic drum ensemble) and silat (a Malay martial arts display), adding excitement and cultural significance to the celebration.
6. Makan Beradab (Royal Feast)
A wedding is never complete without a feast! The makan beradab is a special banquet where the bride and groom are served an elaborate meal. The couple sits at a designated table, often decorated with extravagant floral arrangements, while family and guests enjoy a delicious spread of Malay dishes like nasi minyak, ayam masak merah, and traditional kuih-muih desserts.
This segment of the wedding is an opportunity for both families to interact and celebrate together, fostering unity and joy.
7. Sambut Menantu (Welcoming the Groom/Bride)
After the wedding, the sambut menantu tradition is observed, where the groom’s family hosts a welcoming ceremony for the bride (or vice versa). This gathering ensures that the new family member feels embraced and integrated into their spouse’s family. It is often accompanied by another round of festivities, music, and good food.
8. Adat Berinai (Henna Night)
Although this ritual is not as common today, adat berinai is a traditional pre-wedding practice where henna is applied to the bride’s hands and feet. It symbolizes blessings, protection, and prosperity for the bride as she embarks on her new journey.
9. Modern Adaptations of Malay Weddings
While many couples still follow traditional customs, modern Malay weddings have embraced contemporary elements. Some couples opt for intimate garden weddings, destination celebrations, or Western-style receptions while maintaining core traditions like the akad nikah and bersanding.
Additionally, social media has played a significant role in shaping wedding trends, with couples incorporating cinematic wedding videos, themed décor, and digital invitations into their celebrations.
10. Conclusion: A Celebration of Love and Tradition
A Malay wedding is not just about uniting two individuals; it is a cultural and familial affair that honors traditions, strengthens family ties, and creates lasting memories. Whether celebrated in a grand hall or a simple ceremony, the essence of a Malay wedding remains deeply meaningful and beautiful.
For couples planning their Malay wedding, understanding these customs can help in appreciating the significance of each tradition while personalizing the event to reflect their love story. By embracing both heritage and modern influences, Malay weddings continue to be an extraordinary celebration of love, unity, and joy.